Xcom: Enemy Unknown: Shepard meets the Catalyst
by Hoplite39
Summary: After defeating the alien leader in the temple ship, Xcom operative Colonel 'Spectre' Shepard meets a foe she had never met before called the Catalyst...Includes spoiler references for both ME3 and Xcom EU.


**DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT OWN XCOM EU or MASS EFFECT. THIS IS FOR FUN.**

**Author notes**

**SPOILER WARNING: This is a satirical piece about the ME3 ending. The story has spoiler references for both ME3 and Xcom EU.**

**In Xcom: Enemy Unknown you can customise the names of you soldiers. You can name them after your favourite fictional characters, etc. So you can name a character after commander Shepard for example.**

Colonel Jane 'Spectre' Shepard knew they had won. They had finally saved Earth and defeated the aliens. They had stormed the alien Temple Ship and killed the alien leader, the Uber Ethereal.

At first, it looked like the leader's death would cause the Earth to be destroyed in a black hole as the Temple Ship started to collapse in on itself. But after forcing her surviving squad members to evacuate the Temple Ship using her psi-powers, she was able to take control of the ship and fly it out of the Earth's atmosphere.

Suddenly, as the Ship sped away from Earth, there was a blinding flash...

At the time, Shepard thought she had been killed in an explosion. But some time later she woke up on the bridge of the Temple Ship. She was badly injured, but still alive. She looked around.

To her surprise there was a hologram of a 10 year old boy wearing a hoody standing beside her.

"Get up!" Said the boy.

Shepard slowly got up "Who are you?" She asked

"I am the catalyst." He answered.

"The what?"

"I am the Catalyst. I live in the Temple Ship."

"The what? Sorry." Said Shepard frowning. "I have no idea who you are."

"Remember your first terror mission?" He explained. "You saw me getting blown up just as you Skyranger was leaving..."

"Um...no. Don't remember that."

"And you dream of me..."

"No I don't."

"Oh yes you do.

"Oh no I don't."

"Oh, yes you do."

"I can assure you I don't."

"Oh, yes you definitely do."

"Look." Said Shepard exasperate. "I've never seen you before in my life. And never dream of you. OK?"

"Yes you do." Insisted the boy "But anyway. I am the Catalyst and I control the aliens."

"But wait a minute." Shepard was suspicious. "Why have you suddenly appeared now? Dr Vahlen didn't mention you at all. None of the aliens mentioned you at all. Your existence makes no sense."

"Nevertheless. I am the Catalyst."

"I still don't know who you are or why you are in the form of someone I have never seen before. And I've never heard of something called the Catalyst before. Why is that?

"Look, lady. Stop asking awkward questions. OK?" Blustered the boy. "Just accept everything I say. I will offer to you a huge range of multiple ending possibilities based on your choices during the campaign. Alright?"

"Sounds crazy." Sighed Shepard. "But I suppose I'll go with it for now. So what are these choices?"

"You can destroy the aliens, but also destroy the Xcom base and kill all your friends. You will also die."

"Mmmm. Don't like the sound of that."

"Or you can die and control the aliens. But eventually your disembodied self will go insane with power and you'll kill everyone, including everyone you love."

"I don't like the sound of that either. What's the third choice?"

"Or you can die combining all aliens and humans into one fugly hybrid race with scales, circuits, glowing green eyes and other weird stuff using space magic."

"That sounds horrendous. What's the next choice?"

"There is no next choice. There are only three choices."

"What? There's only three choices. But you said there were a huge range of multiple ending possibilities."

"Look, lady. Stop being awkward and entitled. These are the choices."

"I don't really like any of these choices. Are there any other options?"

"You could let the aliens win. Your friends and loved ones will all die or suffer horribly as the aliens enslave everyone and carry out horrific experiments on the human race."

"Mmmm. Right. That doesn't sound appealing either."

"So what will it be, lady?"

"Why the hurry? You've been here for centuries."

"Don't get cocky, lady. Just make a decision already."

"Look, son. Er...What's your name again?"

"Don't call me son, lady. I am the Catalyst."

"Yeah, right...er Catalyst. I would like to live and have a family one day. And I prefer not to kill my friends or make them suffer. I was hoping for a happy ending. So is there any other choice. Please?"

"You can choose red, green or blue."

"Do any involve not dying, or killing my friends, or turning humanity into some sort hybrid nightmarish monster?"

"No!"

"Damn it!"


End file.
